Yesterday's Adventure

I wrote a little something about what I got up to yesterday, and I thought I'd share it with you... So here it is!

ON THE ISLAND AT METRO RADIO

I was one of the lucky ones to get a place on the ‘How To Get Into Radio’ workshop at Metro Radio in Newcastle, after seeing the opportunity on GoThinkBig. I live in Cumbria, so I made a special trip over to Geordieland on the 22^nd May for the workshop, and it didn’t disappoint.

So, when I arrived at Metro Radio I stood for a while in the reception area. There was an obvious gathering of the other people who were going to the workshop, but I didn’t introduce myself then. I stood and observed my surroundings for the ten minutes while we waited, not wanting to dive straight into a conversation about university with strangers! Especially seeing as I don’t go to university and I am not going to, so what would I have had to add to the conversation?

I looked round when I heard my name spoken suddenly by the receptionist, but alas, it was a different Zoë she was talking about - one that worked there. Not long after that we were collected and all piled into the lift to the second floor. A couple of jokes were exchanged to fill the somewhat awkward silence; “this is the most people we’ve ever had in this lift” and “I should do one of those fifty things you should do in an elevator”, the latter of which I thought sounded far too American. After all, we were smack bang in the middle of Newcastle.

When all ten of us escaped the lift - eight workshop attendees, the member of staff escorting us and an overwhelmed delivery man with some boxes - we were faced with a corridor that led to the offices. The office was massive, bigger than the office at CFM Radio and the soundproof studios were lined up along the back wall looking very snazzy and hi-tech! I spotted Micky who I’d worked with in news when I did work experience with CFM Radio, but I didn’t particularly want to yell “Hello!” across the sprawling office! In fact, I hadn’t even said anything yet, still a bit nervous and taking it all in.

I silently cursed myself for rushing to get something to eat before I arrived, because before the workshop got underway we were presented with the Holy Grail of sandwich displays, complete with crisps and some delicious looking cakes (which I unfortunately ended up on the opposite end of the table to).  And so began the routine of passing around disposable plates and napkins emblazoned with the catering company’s logo, politely taking only a small amount of crisps and longingly eying up the tuna and cucumber sandwiches that were just that little bit too far away.

Then came the inevitable - the ‘what brings you here’ conversations. I immediately dreaded somebody asking me - it seemed like everyone here was of university stock, or was planning on going. What was I supposed to say? I was the odd one out. I was alright when Justin, the Head of News got there and began the workshop, asking us all to introduce ourselves officially. “My name’s Zoë and I’ve not gone to university” I said. “I finished my A Levels last summer and I’m trying to get into media in a different, non-degree way. I’ve done some work experience with CFM and I’m involved with the local radio.” That’s what I said; well, words to that effect anyway. I didn’t mention my book and self-publishing and all that - I suppose it wasn’t really relevant.

I didn’t say much else during the workshop, preferring to sit and listen, observe and soak it all in. I wrote plenty of notes as Justin went through his very cleverly animated slideshow. Actually, there was some really fantastic animation; everything was all there on the first slide in little bubbles of tiny writing, which it zoomed into and then back out again and into a different part. I do like a bit of PowerPoint, so that fascinated me and I had to remember to pay attention to the ‘how to get into radio’ tips! There were loads! Some I was already familiar with, either through previous work experience and advice, transferable skills from my attempts to get my writing career off the ground and a little bit of common sense as well. I did learn some valuable things though, things specific to applications for jobs in radio, and things I just hadn’t heard before. Things like sending audio samples in - record yourself reading a news bulletin instead of doing an interview so there’s more of you, sending about three to four minutes of audio and putting the best stuff at the beginning to keep them listening, as well as sending small attachments with emails so as not to clog up their inbox and make your email a prime target for deletion! Justin recommended doing a short CV, not too flashy or dense with text and two A4 pages at most. Another interesting idea was to get in touch with radio stations about your ideas for a story or feature, because if it’s interesting and you’re enthusiastic, there’s a good chance you’ll be invited for a chat. And that’s your ‘foot in the door’ so to speak, which is where it all begins.

That was the basic message of the workshop I think - keep going, keep trying, don’t get disheartened if people say no, get your name out there, get experience and be yourself. It all sounds easy when you put it like that, doesn’t it?

Well, I was really quite inspired by the whole thing. Justin told us about where he started in hospital radio, his lucky break and his experiences at Capital and Magic FM. Then we were shown around the place - various studios for various things, loads of people working away at all the desks and we even popped in to see the presenter who was currently broadcasting live. Well, obviously he wasn’t actually speaking to however many million people at the time, he was playing a nice bit of Bruno Mars, so he gave us some advice from his twenty years in radio. It was quite surreal and even a bit comical when he suddenly turned away mid-sentence, popped his headphones on and spoke into the microphone about Olly Murs before introducing the next song (not actually an Olly Murs song, but hey ho), then he turned back to us as though nothing had happened! One of the girls who attended the workshop was astounded and asked “Was that live?” to which he replied “Well I hope so, otherwise I’ll be in trouble!”

We walked back to the room to retrieve our belongings after that. I was still looking round, taking everything in and I bumped into a large pillar, which was both embarrassing and painful. I prayed no-one saw, which they didn’t appear to have, so I surreptitiously rubbed my shoulder and pretended I had an itch. Back in the room, we picked our stuff up and Justin invited us to eat more of the sandwiches (I finally got that tuna one I had been after!), as there was still enough to feed a primary school. Yes, I know the word ‘army’ traditionally belongs in that saying, but I think a swarm of small children can be far more terrifying than armed soldiers in certain situations!

Anyway, then we all piled into the lift again and back down we went. And then it was over. It was a good day - fab tips, nice people, beautiful sunshine and I got a free pen as well. That might not sound like much to most people, but to writers pens are like magic wands that connect our brains to the real world, so I like to have a nice one. It’s a good clicky biro that fits in the spine of a spiral-bound notebook without sticking out too much, so I was particularly happy. I learnt a few things, took lots of notes and now I’ve got a few ideas I need to follow up after being inspired by Justin and everyone else at Metro Radio, one of the ideas being the thing I’ve just this second finished writing!

I Honestly Can't Believe I've Posted This

So, I was thinking - there is one aspect of me that I haven't actually written about in my blog. My love life. Don't get excited, it's pretty much non-existent, so I'm not going to be sitting here telling a glorious love story. However, this is a very honest blog, and I'd be lying if I pretended it wasn't a big part of my life and thoughts. To be fair, it's quite weird writing this and knowing I'm then going to publish it on the internet for anybody to read, seeing as I hardly ever talk about this sort of stuff. I much prefer to write about it. Which (in case you hadn't noticed) is what I'm doing here. I usually write about it in poetry though, so this is a new genre for me!

I was sort of inspired to write about it by my friend Amy, who read both my poetry books and gave me some feedback. It was really enlightening to hear her opinions, and in a way quite unlike other people when they had said what they thought. She told me what her favourites were and commented on them, but none of her favourites were love poems (of which there are a fair few, especially in the second collection). So I asked her what she thought of them, and she said that it was difficult to imagine me writing them, so didn't quite know what to make of them. She said when she thinks of me, she thinks of a person who wrote the other poems, ones about being the best you can be, struggling with leaving school, finding your place and taking on the world. But she doesn't think of somebody who would write about my feelings for one of the male species, because I never EVER talk about that part of me. I hadn't really realised that people saw me (or didn't see me as the case may be) like that, because obviously I know myself inside out and see myself as all the different parts of me all mixed up together. It was definitely an insight into how the world views me, even if it was just the thought of one person. But it got me thinking that perhaps I should talk about it, because it is an important part of everybody's lives and I'm no different.

Obviously, I'm not actually talking about it, I am typing about it, which is the best way! As I said, I never talk about it, and after careful consideration I've realised that it's because I have little to no confidence in that aspect of life. Obviously, you can't help but fancy people, develop crushes or even fall in love, but I never let it show. You're probably thinking "God, you're eighteen years old woman, get a grip and stop acting like a little girl!" but I honestly am the worst person ever for talking about love. Don't get me wrong, people talk to me about their love life and problems frequently and I listen and give them advice and all that, but if anybody tries to talk about my feelings, I immediately go horrifically shy and embarrassed and don't want to talk about it, often saying the words "shut up" as quickly as I can - so quickly it comes out as one word! Occasionally I have little (and I do mean little) talk about it to somebody close to me, but that's about as often as a leap year.

I honestly have no idea why that is. I wonder if it's just the way I am. Funnily enough, I was watching Celebrity Big Brother and Rylan (of X Factor fame) was saying how he gets all embarrassed and can't talk about it if he fancies somebody, and I was rather relieved - "At least it's not just me!" I thought. So maybe it’s in my genes that I function that way. Or maybe it's the fact that I've been the definition of 'unlucky in love' in the past. I'm not going to go into detail, but I will tell one story and you can probably guess how all the other stories went!

It was Valentine's Day and I was in Year 8 - therefore I was thirteen years old. I'd had a crush on this guy in my form for a while, I don't know, a couple of months or something. Anyway, a few sixth form students were organising this charity Valentine's message thing to pay for their expedition abroad or something of that nature. Basically you'd write a message, and put who it was for (and who it was from if you wanted), and they'd type it up on this nice card and deliver them on Valentine’s Day, which was a Wednesday. So I sent him an anonymous Valentine's message-card - it read:

Roses are red,

Bluebells are blue,

You may not know it,

But someone likes you.

Okay, I borrowed it from The Princess Diaries, but I'm sure Meg Cabot wouldn't have minded. In fact, it said 'violets' on the actual card - obviously the sixth form student who'd typed up mine had thought I'd made a mistake. I hadn't. Bluebells are blue, violets are violet! The clue's in the name! Anyway, that's beside the point. So, on Wednesday the fourteenth of February 2007, I was sitting in my form room and the sixth form student came and delivered the little pink cards. Obviously, the person I'd sent it to got it delivered to him - my heart was in my mouth when he was wondering who sent it! Anyway, somehow he found out  - the same day - that I'd sent it. To be quite honest, I felt pretty rubbish when he shouted at me, in front of the whole class just before a lesson in an IT room, that it was "never ever going to happen" as he ripped the card up into tiny pieces in front of my face and threw it on the floor. Well, my heart felt a bit like that card. That was probably the worst, but my attempts to find love have never gone much better than that.

Anyway, moving on (slightly) from distressing events I've tried to forget, I have wondered if they have anything to do with my inability to talk about those sort of feelings. Or maybe it's a mixture - it's the way I am and that's just made it worse. Take my emotional situation at the minute for example. I have had feelings for this guy for about a year and a half, which are casually (and almost annoyingly) getting stronger all the time. But I haven't, and am not going to, say anything or do anything about it. I am too scared of rejection I guess, and also I am 99% sure it's not reciprocated (and that 1% is probably just wishful thinking). But I won't talk to anybody about it either, not even my mum, and I talk about anything and everything with her... except this. She's probably reading this blog now, so I’m sorry Mum, but I just find it very difficult, if not absolutely impossible, to talk about this stuff to anyone at all. That's just the way I seem to be. It's funny, because I have random moments when all I want to do is talk about it, and I think I'll go mad if I don't, but something still stops me. Weird, eh? So I express these feelings that I can't speak about verbally by writing a ridiculous amount of poems about him and posting cryptic Facebook statues that consist of painfully relevant song lyrics.

Anyway, that is as much of an insight into my 'love life' as you're going to get - I've already been pushing it to the absolute limit - and that is also probably as much of an insight into my 'love life' as anybody has ever got! So enjoy, and be proud of me that I actually posted all this on the actual internet, because this is my soul right here. Oh, and Amy, if you are reading this - THANK YOU. For encouraging me to get all my 'love talk' out, even if you didn't realise you were doing it. And if you are reading this, you will now know 'that side of me' a little better.

Anyway, on a lighter note, The Vampire Diaries is back soon, so I'm terribly excited. I'll sign off now, because I've been rambling since 11.43 am and it's now 1.07 pm.